In Silence Sarcastic
by Trscroggs
Summary: She has no voice, but she won't let that stop the sarcasm.
1. Opening

Welcome to the beginning of my latest story, which is still in progress. Au warnings apply.

What if the heavy metal rumored to be in Highland's water had more effect on the local population than the resident town idiots? What if it effected the Morgendorffer sister too, in ways that are both visible and not?

Let's find out shall we?

* * *

Jodie Landon privately admitted to herself that she was only a decent observer of people. So it came of no surprise that her that she couldn't get a read on the new student. The new girl certainly didn't make it easy. Jodie was quite certain she had not heard her say a single word so far.

Daria, Jodie thought she heard the new student's name was, wasn't going to have a choice in a second though. Kevin Thompson and a few of the . . . cruder members of the football team were leaning against a batch of lockers Daria was obviously trying to get access to.

Jodie felt her eyebrows rise, however, when instead of speaking to the football players Daria tapped Kevin on the shoulder and gestured for him to move. When the clueless jock just stared at her, Daria held out a couple of small white business cards, which Kevin completely ignored.

Jodie was watching Daria's face for any traces of emotion when one of the other football jocks said something that prompted a crude laugh for his companion. In an instant the new girl's face went from bland to infuriated and her arm jerked back as if she was going to punch the jock.

Thankfully, Jodie's best-male-friend, Michael 'Mack' Mackenzie, also noticed Daria's reaction and quickly stepped in to hold the furious, and still strangely silent, girl back. The other team members beat a hasty retreat while Michael held the infuriated girl. As soon as the last jock disappeared around the corner Daria's fury collapsed into frustration, anger and something else Jodie could not quite identify.

Realizing that Mack was now a little over his head, Jodie took possession of Daria and guided her into the nearest girls' restroom.

Daria quickly made her way to a toilet. Jodie held the girl's hair out of the way as she loudly retched into the bowl. Afterward, Jodie put a comforting hand on Daria's back and found herself in a crushing bear hug. Shortly thereafter Jodie felt wetness on her neck and realized Daria was crying.

After crying silently for several minutes, Daria pulled away from Jodie. From a pouch attached to her skirt Daria handed Jodie two white cards.

The first said, in plain type-written text, "Thank you."

Jodie had to read the second card several times before realizing that she had read it correctly the first time.

The second card said; "Hello. My name is Daria Morgendorffer and I am mute."


	2. Chapter 1

Jodie spent the rest of the day thinking about the new girl. Daria's attempt to attack a member of the football team was all over the rumor mill by lunchtime. The level of her success, and the reason for her assault, varied from rumor to rumor, but most agreed that Markus probably deserved it.

But despite the rather positive slant on things, Jodie found Daria sitting on the table students called "outcast island" with the artist Jane Lane. Jodie cautiously approached the table where both students were poking at the day's mystery meats.

"Mind if I sit here?" Jodie asked.

Jane quickly glanced over at Daria before replying.

"If it's ok with my amiga here, I have no problem with company."

Both Jodie and Jane glanced over at Daria. From within her jacket, Daria produced a small white board. She then pulled a pen from a cord hanging around her neck and wrote "Okay" on the board before putting it next to her lunch tray.

"Nice board," Jane remarked, "but I thought you used those little cards to talk?"

Daria's shoulders shook in a silent laugh. She then placed one of the aforementioned cards on the board. "The cards are for things I 'say' often. The board is for when I have to say something not on a card."

"That's a nice system." Jodie commented. "Err, if you don't mind me asking, how did you lose your voice?"

"And more recently," Jane interrupted, "what's this I hear about you taking a swing at one of the football idiots?"

Daria blushed mildly and dug through her pouch for a card. When she found the card she was looking for Daria pointed to Jodie with one hand and flashed the card out in the other.

After the two girls read the card's statement of, "Long story. Explain it later?" Daria moved her pointing hand to Jane and flashed the card again.

"Fine with me," Jane replied. "Are you doing anything this afternoon after school? I've got a self-esteem class and I know Jodie has something, but maybe we can meet someplace afterward."

"I have a student council meeting today." Jodie replied

Both Lawndale natives glanced over to Daria's whiteboard which now said, "I have self-esteem class too."

Jane laughed. "Had a run-in with Morris huh? Don't worry about it too much, Ms. Morris banishes everyone she doesn't like to the self-esteem class. It is run by Mr. O'Neill and it's a total joke."

Daria put a large question mark on her board.

"Mr. O'Neill," Jodie answered diplomatically, "is a very . . . sensitive man. He means well; but, sometimes he is a little over enthusiastic when it comes to trying to help people, even when they don't want him to be."

"What Jodie means," Jane continued, "is that he has the whole course memorized without knowing what it means. He parrots it back us at and asks questions when the book told him to. When he gets an answer he expects he moves on to the next section. I've taken the class five times now and I could probably read that book to you line-by-line without having actually read it."

"Understood." Daria carded.

"I think I could talk me dad into letting me skip dinner tonight if I convince him I might be onto another activity." Jodie said. "Why don't we see if we can meet someplace afterward and we can swap some stories?"

"Agreed." Both Jane and Daria replied.

* * *

It took only a few minutes after school for the three teens to decide to pick up a pizza and have their conversation at Jane's house, the most central of the three student's houses.

Jodie had never been inside the Lane household before, and while it was messier than her mother would ever allow her own house to be, it wasn't nearly as bad as Jodie had privately feared from the outside.

The three young women where eating their pizza in the Lane family kitchen. Jodie concentrated on eating her first slice of in silence before speaking.

"Who wants to go first?" She asked.

Daria pulled a notepad out of her book bag, and began to write, but gestured towards the other girls.

"I'll start," Jane volunteered, "It is my place after all."

Take a deep breath Jane began to talk. "My name is Jane Lane, no middle name. I'm the youngest of five children. My parents are hippy artists. Dad is a global trotting photographer and Mom does things with ceramics. I see one of them about once every month or so, but haven't seen both of them at the same time for about four years I think."

"I'm currently living with my older sister Penny and my older brother Trent. Trent is a bar musician. They'll never be headliners, but with a few more years of practice they might be a respectable opening act. Penny's an activist; she started out trying to help the 'downtrodden' in other countries, but got into an argument with people who didn't want her there. They argued their point with rifles, so Penny's now trying to get some domestic activism going."

Jane took a couple of bites of pizza before continuing. "Right now, my major goals are to improve me own art, survive high school, and get into a good art college."

Daria wrote, "You'll have to show me some of your work sometime," on her white board. Daria stopped writing, and tore the page out of her notebook, but instead of sharing it, she placed it face down on the table and resumed writing on a new page.

"Well," Jodie took over, "since Daria's not ready yet I guess I'll go next."

"My name is Jodie Abigail Landon. I am the oldest child of Andrew and Michele Landon. Dad's a business owner and Mom's an African-America rights activist. I have a little sister and a baby brother."

"My parents," Jodie continued, "are very driven. Being the best in one thing isn't good enough; I have to be the best at everything."

"You could say that." Jane interrupted, "you have more activities than I could shake a stick at."

Jodie nodded to Daria, "You should have seen me in middle school. Believe me I don't have half the activities now I had then. My parents backed off last summer after an unfortunate incident with a state senator . . . and my break-up with Mack."

Daria could tell this wasn't a subject Jodie wanted to talk about. Taking her first completed page, she handed it to Jodie and mimed for her to read it out loud.

"My name is Daria Morgendorffer." The sheet began.

Before Jodie could read the next line Daria held her whiteboard up.

"Daria Sunbeam Morgendorffer," the board said.

Daria gave Jodie and Jane a moment to read the board before erasing it and writing; "But if you use it, I _will _kill you." She then gestured for Jodie to resume reading.

"My parents are semi-ex-hippies," the page continued, "who moved to a little town in Texas called Highland to start a family. What they didn't know, was that Highland had heavy metals in its drinking water for years. As a result there are a lot of birth defects in town. I lucked out; my only problems are non-working vocal cords and above average intelligence."

Jodie looked up from the page.

"I wouldn't call being smart a problem," Jodie commented.

Daria wrote, "Highland's IQ is 20 points below the national average. And that's only if you include the non-native adults, a handful of semi-normal kids, and Quinn and myself to bring it up."

"Which means you were trying to get through school while both 'handicapped' _and_ blowing the curve," Jane commented.

"Exactly."

Both Jane and Jodie winced in sympathy. Seeing no more comments from Daria, Jodie returned to the page.

"It wasn't until after Quinn started talking that my parents realized I _wasn't_. The first experts they consulted thought it was anxiety and I was in therapy for years. It wasn't until I was almost 6 that one of my therapist brought up the idea that '_won't talk_' might be '_can't talk_' instead. A few medical tests proved that my vocal cords simply do not work. They haven't worked out why yet. From there we started sign language lessons and I started putting my cards together."

"If you know sign language, why do you use the board and cards?" Jodie asked. Before Daria could reply, Jodie slapped herself in the forehead. "Of course. You can sign, but most people can't."

Daria nodded and once again flashed the 'Exactly' card.

"You said your sister can talk," Jane started, "but is there anything . . . different, with her?"

"Though she tries not to show it, Quinn's IQ is just as high as mine," Daria wrote. "And when she isn't wearing colored contacts and hair dye, Quinn's hair is white and her eyes are red."

"She's albino?" Jodie asked.

Daria replied with a simple nod.

"So both the Morgendorffer children are a little odd." Jane stated. "Did that have anything to do with you taking on the football team?"

Daria made a so-so gesture with her hand and handed Jane her second written explanation.

"And as for this morning," her second note began. "That started in Highland too."

"I grew up in Highland, and in general most people left me well enough alone. I was unpopular for being a 'brain', unpopular for being 'handicapped' and unpopular because I wouldn't follow their expectations of either. Fortunately, other than more than a few insults thrown my way, most of the kids my age left me alone."

Daria held up her whiteboard. "Mute ≠ Deaf ≠ Stupid. Not that anyone in Highland believed that."

Jane nodded and then continued to read. "Unfortunately, Jack, a junior in high school, thought differently. He figured not being able to talk was a _good_ thing in a girl. He called it one of the attributes of his 'prefect girlfriend'."

"Even before I overheard someone talking about it, I avoided Jack like the plague. He gave me the creeps. Unfortunately he wouldn't take 'go away' as an answer. One day he finally cornered me on an empty road and told me I would be his girl; or else. He was less than pleased when I tried to run."

Both Lawndale natives looked in horror at Daria as Jane continued reading.

"Fortunately he didn't have time to do more than rip my shirt before he heard someone coming and took off. I had never been thankful to see Bevis and Butthead before, but I guess there really is a first time for everything. Thankfully, Jack didn't know it was two idiots he ran away from. Those two could have been bribed to leave for a quarter or a chance to see my breasts."

"Mom called the cops and Jack was arrested almost immediately. Dad, we had to keep from killing him. Unfortunately, Jack's father is someone with a LOT of pull in Highland."

"Damn," Jane said, looking up form the bottom of the page. "Don't tell me that son-of-bitch got off."

Daria scribbled something on the top of the third page she was writing and handed it to Jane.

"Jack's father either called in a favor or paid a bribe to get the judge to basically throw out my testimony and get the case dropped. The Texas SBI is still looking into it, but they admitted they weren't likely to get results anytime soon."

"About three months ago Mom caught on to the fact that the case wasn't going anywhere. She started looking for an excuse to get us out of Highland. That's when she took the job here and all but tossed us into the moving van."

"The attack left me with a few . . . hot buttons. I'm working on them; but this morning that football jock pressed one of the big ones. I'd like to think I wouldn't have done more than slap him."

"It was a good thing you didn't," Jane stated. "Football is _the_ sport in Lawndale, and the football team can do no wrong, literally. As long as it doesn't bring dishonor to Laawwnnndaallle High they can get away with anything."

Jodie winced. "As much as I hate to; I have to agree with Jane. All Principal Li cares about is winning games. As long as they do she'll overlook things like being tardy, bad grades, and small discipline issues. Most of the teachers hate it, but Principal Li reverses anything they do about it."

"I guess it explains the jock that wouldn't move away from my locker."

"That was Kevin Thompson," Jodie explained. "He's the starting quarterback."

"And absolute idiot," Jane interrupted.

"It's not that Kevin's stupid," Jodie interjected. "It's just he was taught that the only thing he should think about is football. If you manage to push a lesson past that wall he tends to use it, as long as he remembers to think."

"And teachers happy with that?" Daria wrote.

"Of course not; but as long as he keeps winning games Li will keep changing his grades."

"Poor Kevin."

"I willing to bet Kevin will land on his feet after high school." Jane said. "As long as he isn't permanently injured he'll probably end up doing better than any of us will. The universe protects children, fools, and ships named Enterprise after all."


	3. Chapter 2

Wednesday afternoon, three days after the Morgendorffer move was official, Quinn gingerly stepped out onto her back porch. While she would never admit it, Quinn was silently glad that the bulk of the house blocked light from the descending sun. Regardless, her prescription sunglasses were firmly in place as she looked out over the back yard. Standing in the middle of the yard Daria swung a bokken through a complicated weapon kata. Coming to a stop Daria looked over at her sister.

"Mom says dinner is in fifteen minutes," Quinn declared. "You might want to consider wrapping up, unless you want your dinner to taste like sweat."

Daria placed her wooden sword aside before beginning a slow cool down.

"I don't think sweat would make frozen lasagna taste any worse." Daria's hands said.

"Point," Quinn granted as she took a seat on one of the plastic deck chairs. "I heard you found another one of those martial arts places. Mom sounded a little grumpy about it."

"They are called dojos. I got pretty lucky, there are only six places in America that teach my art and there is a dojo coincidently near here. It is even closer to Lawndale than one near Highland."

"Well, Dad's all for you continuing. Mom's still a little put out, thinks you should be doing something else with your time." Quinn shook her head sadly. "I don't get Mom sometimes. You were a good student and all she wants you to do is quit."

Daria finished her cool down and started to gather her supplies.

"Mom doesn't like the idea of me needing to defend myself," Daria signed. "Or that I have the capacity to seriously hurt someone without significant effort."

"Then it's a good thing Mom hasn't heard about how your first day really went."

Daria blushed to roots of her hair. "I would have gone off even without the training. I probably would have hurt Mack if I hadn't had been trained. But what prey tell is it going to take to keep that quiet?"

"I'll trade it for some help with hair dye, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Stacy is coming over Saturday to spend the night. . . . I was going to wash the dye out of my hair Saturday morning. If Stacy freaks I'm going to need you're help to re-dye my hair before Monday."

"Going to tell her the truth?"

Quinn shrugged.

"I'm going to show it to her and see how she reacts." Quinn said. "I guess I just want one person who; you know, really knows me."

"Understandable. Stacy wouldn't have been my first choice, but she seems nice enough."

"Well I guess I haven't been as lucky as you so far."

"Lucky?"

Quinn sighed. "Daria on your _first_ day you made two new friends. Jane is an outcast from the outcasts, but everyone in your grade and down has at least heard of her. And _everybody_ in school knows who Jodie is."

"I didn't make friends with them because of their popularity, or lack thereof."

"I know that, but you made friends that like you despite you being you. Tiffany is nice enough, but we don't share many interests outside of fashion. And Sandi hates me, even if she tries to hide it. I'm starting to regret not accepting the pep-club's offer."

"It's not too late to join you know."

"Oh I know," Quinn agreed, "but if I do Sandi is enough of a bitch to make seeing Stacy as hard as possible. I think Stacy will make a great friend, but I have to get her a little bit further away from Sandi first. Then I'll consider joining something."

"If you think she's worth the effort, I'll do what I can do to help."

"Thanks, Daria."

* * *

Jodie Landon eyed the current Morgendorffer residence will mild trepidation. It wasn't visiting the house of a new friend; but Jodie's volunteering days had left her a little skittish about this particular residence's last occupants and Jodie admitted that it also carried over to the house. Jodie privately hoped the Morgendorffers had done something with one room in particular.

A moment after she knocked on the front door, the door was opened by a middle-aged woman in a power suit. Jodie felt herself being briskly evaluated by a practiced eye. Jodie hoped the evaluation was a positive one.

"May I help you?" The woman asked, with a slightly confused look on her face.

"Yes, ma'am. My name is Jodie Landon, I was wondering if I could talk to your daughter?"

The woman's confusion lifted slightly and she moved out of the doorway and gestured Jodie inside.

"That should be fine. I'm her mother, Helen Morgendorffer. Quinn should be on the back porch."

"Oh no, Mrs. Morgendorffer; I'm here to visit Daria." Jodie blinked when the confusion returned to Mrs. Morgendorffer's face in force.

"Oh . . . Daria is in the back yard too. Do be careful, she's _practicing_."

Jodie considered the odd note in the way the last word was stressed as Mrs. Morgendorffer showed her to the back door. She had only just cleared the back door when she had to stop and stare.

Standing out by herself in the back yard was Daria Morgendorffer, but not the one Jodie had grown used to seeing in class the last few days.

This Daria was not wearing the bulky jacket and green skirt that marked the mute girl at school. Instead this Daria was wearing a snug t-shirt and shorts that Jodie knew would get even a cheerleader sent to the office to change.

Instead of the Daria who put forth minimal effort in gym, this Daria's shirt was soaked through with sweat and she had obviously been doing this for quite some time.

Finally, this Daria did not wield a marker and white board, but spun a wooden stick through complicated patterns occasionally interrupted by a vicious elbowing or kick.

So distracted was she by watching Daria, Jodie jumped when a voice spoke up form beside her.

"You might as well sit down. She's got another ten minutes to go before she's done, and if she stops half-way she'll be grumpy for hours."

Sitting in a deck chair, Quinn Morgendorffer gestured to the other empty chair on the back deck. Jodie noted the dyed brown hair and large black sunglasses before taking the seat.

"Does she do that often?" Jodie asked, nodding towards Daria.

"Three times a week at least, if you count the formal lessons." Quinn replied. "This is not one of her usual days, but Brittney invited her to a party tomorrow and Daria wanted to make up the workout she'd be missing."

"Daria doesn't strike me as a parting type."

Quinn shrugged. "I talked her into it. She owed me one for distracting Mom the day we left Highland. I'm trading an hour of Mom annoyance for an hour of Brittney annoyance."

"Just an hour?"

"I've met most of the people Brittney's inviting. If some sort of fight doesn't break out in the within an hour I'd be shocked."

Jodie laughed. "An hour would break a record. Brittney threw four parties last year and all of them had to be broken up by either security or the police. After the last one she was banned from hosting parties for the rest of the year. This is the first party she's had since the ban lifted."

"Great, that means it will be over the top and even more likely to end in a disaster."

"I thought you would enjoy parties more."

Quinn waved a hand in dismissal. "Oh don't get me wrong, I love parties. I don't love having to try to escape from riots. I was invited to party that turned into one last year. I barely managed to get out with just a couple of bruises; the friend I went with had her arm broken in three places."

Jodie 'ahed' and nodded. "I have a few survival tips: Don't get between the football and track teams, they don't like each other. The punch will be spiked so many times it will be more alcohol than punch. And when Kevin starts shouting it's time to start leaving."

"I thought Kevin was too . . . oblivious to start things."

Jodie laughed. "Kevin doesn't start anything, but by the time he notices and joins in it will be too late to stop it. I'm sure the neighbors will have the police on speed dial before the party starts, so just be gone before they get there."

Quinn laughed. "That is so not something I though the fabulous Jodie Landon would say."

"I've attended Brittney's parties before. I'm hoping to avoid three hours of questioning this time."

"Three hours?"

Jodie sighed and in a resigned tone said, "The track and football teams _really_ don't like each other. How long have you been moved in? I didn't notice any moving boxes."

Quinn paused a moment at the whiplash change of topic, but decided to let the matter drop. It would be just as easy to get the story from somebody else later.

"We moved in two weeks ago. Mom wanted us fully moved in and unpacked before we started school. Something about looking professional for the partners or something. The only thing that still needs to be done is to remodel one of the bedrooms"

Jodie tried to hide a sudden burst of relief. "That would be the padded one right?"

Seeing Quinn's look of surprise Jodie explained.

"I did a lot of volunteer work when I was in middle school. I helped the man who used to own this house with his mother. She may have been old, but she had a very . . . accurate monkey impression."

It took a moment for Quinn to get it. "_**Eewwww**_**.**"

Jodie shuddered at the memory.

While Jodie and Quinn were busy talking, Daria had finished her workout and approached the talking pair. So engrossed were they in the conversation, neither girl realized Daria was there until she rapped the porch with the butt of her bokken, startling them both.

"Damnit Daria!" Quinn shouted. "I swear I'm going to get you a bell!"

Jodie watched as Daria signed something to Quinn that seemed to mollify the startled sister a little.

"Ok fine," Quinn said, crossing her arms over her chest. "But next time walk in front of me or something. Just popping up like that isn't good for my heart."

Daria signed something briefly to Quinn that had her nodding, but then signed a much longer sentence. After the second phrase was done Quinn turned to Jodie.

"Daria wants to apologize, but she doesn't have anything with her right now that she can talk with. She also says that she stinks right now, ow!"

Quinn rubbed the back of her head where Daria's hand had hit. "Daria really says that she needs to take a shower before she _starts_ to smell. You can wait for her in her room if you want to."

Jodie felt herself nod. "Sure I'd be happy to. That is if you don't mind, Daria."

Quinn translated Daria's reply for Jodie. "If I minded I wouldn't have offered. Just let me get a change of clothing first."

* * *

Less than a minute later Jodie found herself settled in one of the house's upper story bedrooms. Jodie had done little to hide her relief when they passed a certain bedroom before entering what must have been selected as Daria's room. Of course this meant explaining _why_ she was relived to Daria, who left for the shower with silently shaking shoulders.

Curiosity rapidly overcame Jodie and she gave the room she was in some close scrutiny. Daria's room was slightly smaller than her own, but more practically arranged, making it seem larger. There were several posters hanging on the walls. The one that most attracted her attention was a poster sized print of an old early-color photograph. In it three people stood before an ancient looking gate. Unfortunately, the writing on the poster was an oriental language Jodie could not understand. Near the poster hung a stand in which several swords sat. Most were bare wood, but one had a sheath, Jodie assumed that one was real.

Unable to help herself, Jodie glanced at the book titles on the bookshelf that sat on the other side of the poster. Jodie recognized about half the books as being classic works of fiction while several others were about martial arts. Several of the books had titles in the same oriental language as the poster.

Deciding she better stop herself before she really started snooping, Jodie sat in the chair next to the room's desk. The desk was almost completely bare; all that was on it was Daria's pack of phrase cards, the whiteboard, and a shutdown computer monitor.

Jodie must have spent longer looking at the posters and bookshelf than she though, because she had barely sat down when she heard the door behind her open.

Jodie began to turn around, "I like they way this room is laid out, erk."

Jodie found herself turning back to the wall as rapidly as possible. She had expected Daria to return dressed in the t-shirt and skirt she had left the room with. She had not expected Daria to return wrapped in just a towel.

"I thought you took a change of clothing with you?" Jodie half-questioned, half-stated.

Jodie sat very still as a well muscled arm reached past her to pick up the pouch of phrase cards. A moment later a card touched her shoulder, without looking back Jodie took the card and read its very plain text.

"I hate my sister."

Behind her Jodie heard drawers open and close and assumed that Daria was retrieving more clothing.

"Let me guess, a _harmless_ prank?" Jodie hazarded. "My little sister has pulled quite a few pranks on me in the last year or two. She's starting to become a real pest."

Jodie blinked when Daria, clad in a sports bra and serviceable underwear stepped into view to access the closet near the desk. Jodie was just about to make a comment when Quinn knocked lightly on the door and stuck her head in.

"Sorry, Daria. Mom took the dirty clothes hamper. She must have picked your clean clothes up too."

Daria finished pulling her t-shirt over her head and signed something to Quinn.

"Well I would have; but I didn't know before Dad asked me if I had anything to add to the load. You were already out of the shower then."

Daria sighed, then retrieved her white board and wrote a message for Jodie.

"Welcome to the Wonderful World of Morgendorffer, please mind the inmates."

Jodie couldn't help the laugh that escaped her.

While Jodie was giggling Daria took a seat on her bed. When the giggles had passed Daria held up a card.

"Questions?"

"Sure. We can swap answers."

The next card said, "You first."

Jodie nodded. "What kind of martial arts do you practice?"

"Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. It's a self-defensive style with a bokken." Daria wrote.

"How long have you lived in Lawndale?" Daria asked back.

"All my life," Jodie replied. "I was born here. Mom was born here to; she moved out during college, but moved back after marrying dad. If you don't mind me asking, what got you into martial arts?"

Daria flashed a 'wait' gesture and began to write.

"After the attack I wanted something to defend myself with. The first few places we tried were for sport or exercise, not self-defense. I was about to give up when Mom reluctantly mentioned that she had heard about someplace that taught self-defense."

Jodie looked up from the paper.

"Reluctantly?" Jodie asked.

Daria took the white board back and continued her explanation.

"The nearest Kamiya Kasshin Ryu dojo was about 30 minutes from Highland by car. They teach, and practice, self-defense there. Mom was on the prosecuting side of a few lawsuits launched in the aftermath of self-defense cases, most of which went to the defendant. Mom hates to lose. She also has a very strong stance against violence."

"Still, you'd think she'd happy her daughter could protect herself."

Daria shrugged. "Mom has a mental disconnect between her daughters being 'special' and what that really means sometimes. For instance, she'll complain about the amount of suntan lotion Quinn goes through or talks to me about being too quite when I've been signing at her for the last ten minutes."

"Doesn't you mom know sign language?" Jodie asked, highly confused.

"She does. She even puts is on her resume and business cards. The problem is that she occasionally forgets_** I**_ know sign language. When Quinn and I were young we picked it up faster than she did, so when we where kids Quinn interrupted for me. Mom never quite got into the habit of looking at my hands unless I wave them in her face first."

Jodie nodded in comprehension. "And if your mom is anything like my parents that's the last thing you want to do when she's being grumpy."

"Exactly. Quinn and I have been covering for each other's disabilities since we were little. Quinn was my voice and I made sure she took care of herself. When Mom realized we were taking care of ourselves she was very proud and put the whole issue out of her mind. Unless it comes up directly, she tends to forget we both have issues."

"That reminds me," Jodie asked, "Is there anyway I could get some sign language lessons from you?"

Daria made a slightly exaggerated, 'huh' gesture.

"My parents are starting to make noises about me getting another activity or two. Maybe getting signing lessons will be enough for them. It will let me spend more time with you, and give you someone you can talk to without having to go into your coat."

"That wouldn't be bad. There are a few people in school that at least recognize sign language, however."

"Really? Who?"

"Ms. Defoe knows a little. She's not fluent, but she knows some of the important phrases. Mr. DeMartino knows some too. At least he recognized an insult to Kevin for what it was. I _think _Tiffany might know some."

"Tiffany? Most of the time I'm not sure she how much English she knows; I'd be surprised to learn she knew sign language."

"So would I, but still there was a little spark of recognition when I greeted Quinn in the hall with it yesterday. Other than that, a couple of the seniors know it and one of the subs we had last week is fluent."

"I'm sure you'd appreciate one more person you don't have to get ink stains to talk to."

Daria blushed lightly before deliberately writing 'thanks' on the white board.

* * *

Friday night found the Morgendorffer sisters sitting on the curb outside of Brittany's gated community. Jane and Jodie sat with them. The group was waiting for their ride to pick them up from the less than successful party. Stacy Rowe, who had snuck out after the quartet had left, had joined them in waiting for her ride.

"Well, that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be." Quinn Morgendorffer told her companions.

The young women sitting with Quinn for rides looked incredulously at the youngest Morgendorffer.

"Not bad?" Jodie exclaimed. "There was a free-for-all starting when we left!"

"Yeah." Jane agreed. "I think I saw riot gear on one of those cops that passed us."

"I saw Brittany with a fire-extinguisher trying to break it up." Stacy volunteered.

Daria wrote. "I hate to agree with Quinn, but it was a LOT calmer than I was expecting."

The Lawndale natives looked at Daria in shock.

Quinn nodded. "There wasn't any shooting, there weren't any knives, and nothing had burst into flames. By Highland standards this was completely successful party."

"By Highland standards the party didn't _start_ until the fist fight did." Daria wrote.

"And who is the expert in parties here?" Quinn complained. "In Highland, the party didn't start until someone threw out Bevis and Butt-head."

Daria acknowledged that Quinn had a point then held up a card saying 'town idiots' to explain it for the others.

"I thought your said town was mostly idiots?" Jodie asked.

"It wasn't that; no wait, it really was that bad." Quinn interrupted herself. "Those two were just the worst of the worst. I can't believe they weren't arrested for some of the stuff they pulled."

"Luck, I think." Daria wrote out. "Whenever they got into real trouble people would either dismiss it as them being idiots or they did something else that pulled attention from what they had done to start it all."

"They couldn't be as bad a Kevin." Jane stated.

"Oh they were." Quinn disagreed while Daria nodded. "You could add both of them together and Kevin would still be smarter _and_ saner."

The remaining twenty minute wait was spent in a session of 'no, he's the bigger idiot'. It was a very enjoyable time, with many laughs, ewws, and I-can't-believe-its.

In the end, Jodie's arguments that insanity and stupidity were not the same were dismissed and Bevis and Butt-head won; four votes to one.


	4. Side Story 1

What did Daria do to owe Quinn while leaving Highland? This little side story is technically pre-series, but should probably be sorted around parts 2 or 3.

Sorry about those that are getting an alert for this little piece of fluff, I forgot to publish it with the rest of the story.

* * *

Quinn looked over at her sister. She was very grateful her parents had decided to spring for two hotel rooms. This gave Quinn the chance to ask a question that had been on her mind all day.

"So why did you need me to stall Mom when we were getting ready to leave? You were gone almost an hour and you wanted us out of town in a hurry when you got back."

"I went shopping." Daria signed. "I owed someone a 'thank you' and some revenge."

"Shopping? You hate shopping, what did you get?"

"I stopped by a couple of convenience stores. I got two six-packs of Jolt and enough Pixy Sticks to make a toddler do warp nine."

"But you didn't have any of that stuff when we left. I would have seen it. Who did you . . . give . . . it . . . to?" Quinn mused, before trailing off as a horrible idea came to her.

"I owed them, even if they do not have any idea what they did. And _we_ owe Highland for creating us. I just got both paybacks done at once."

Quinn recognized the smirk on her sister's face. "You did something else, didn't you?"

Daria's smirk intensified into the most evil look Quinn had ever seen on her sister's face. Daria move her hands to her waist and pinched her fingers together. She then mimed lifting something up and away from her torso.

Quinn's jaw dropped but she didn't bother to close it. "You _flashed_ **Bevis and Butt-head**!"

If anything, Daria's smirk got even nastier. "And when I put my shirt back down I fished my bra out of my shirt and gave it to them."

Quinn's eyes were wide with horror. "A sugar-rush, on top of a caffeine-high, and then you _flashed_ them! **They'll destroy the town**!"

The wall next to Quinn's bed knocked and her mother's sleepy voice ordered Quinn to be quite and go to sleep.

Quinn dropped her voice to a hissing whisper. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"I know _exactly_ what I let loose." Daria signed. "I would have preferred liquor to caffeine, but none of the clerics would sell me beer. I owed those two idiots a good turn for saving me and a bad turn for your sake for joining that old idiot. The flashing was the good turn; trouble they'll get into was the bad. It was the best revenge I could think of that would not be easy to trace back to me. Night, sister."

It would take Quinn a little longer to get to sleep.

One month after arriving in Lawndale, a classmate of Daria's mailed her a copy of Highland Gazette from the week after the Morgendorffer's left town. The headline said, **Three Days Later, The Great Disaster Ends! **Both Morgendorffer sisters laughed until they couldn't breathe. The article, preserved and mounted, was hung proudly on Daria's bedroom wall. To this day, Daria's parents have no idea why.


	5. Chapter 3

"I want to change my vote." Daria's board said a week later as she sat down next to Jodie in the cafeteria.

"What vote?" Jane asked from across the table.

"The 'who is the stupidest' vote. I still think B&B are worse, but Kevin's bullheadedness gives him a level of annoyance all his own."

Jodie tried very hard not to grin in triumph as Jane asked, "I take it Captain Clueless is a less than ideal lab partner?"

"About the only good thing about him is that he's keeping Dad out from underfoot. I'd run an experiment _on _him like the one I did last year on B&B, but I don't think the administration would be amused."

"What did you do last year?" Jodie asked.

"Stupidity." Daria wrote on the board.

"As in, the pointing out of?" Jane asked.

When Daria nodded Jodie sighed. "Not a good idea. Ms. Li has been making noises lately that the student council might need to find a few 'volunteer' tutors for the sports teams. I've heard rumors that people are starting to look into their grades."

Jane looked both ways before leaning closer. "I thought all the failing teams got bys." Jane said at low volume.

Jodie gave a very slight nod. "You might not have heard, but on the other side of the state it was discovered that a football player received a by. The courts canceled the team's _entire_ season and invalidated all their wins."

Jane blinked. "Wow, if that happened here the parents would go berserk."

Both whispering girls blinked when Daria's head hit the table. Without looking up, Daria held up a card which had '^%*#' printed on it. After holding the card up for a second Daria dropped it and put both her hands on her head.

Jodie placed a comforting hand on one of Daria's. "Want to tell us what's wrong?"

With out lifting her head, Daria took the hand Jodie wasn't touching and wrote; "The first plan was to involve Kevin in my experiment as little as possible. After I discovered how oblivious he really was I figured I'd run the experiment on him but thought better of it. My last plan was to let Kevin sink or swim on his own merits. I can't do _that _now; I've got to make sure he earns a good grade so I don't catch the flak of a bad one."

Jane whistled. "That won't be easy. Barch automatically hates anything to do with males. The only reason she gives Mach and Upchuck good grades is because their grades in other classes are so good it would be suspicions if they failed just her class."

"There, there it will be alright," Jodie patted Daria's hand as Daria weakly picked up the dropped curse card and held it up again.

* * *

Across the cafeteria the younger Morgendorffer sister was dealing her own frustrations.

"For the last time, Jamie. I did not dye my hair white for the modeling agents. I _stopped_ dying my hair _brown_ because I was getting tired of it. Jeffy, I'm not going goth or emo. Joey, I want you to listen very carefully . . . . I am not, nor have I ever been, a vampire!"

Leaving the slightly sheepish Js behind, Quinn plopped down on the cafeteria bench next to Stacy with a frustrated groan.

"If I had known this would have been the response," Quinn began, "I might have kept my albinism secret after-all."

". . . It is kind of . . . different." Tiffany volunteered from across the table.

Quinn sighed again. "Oh, I've heard it all in Highland."

"What did they say?" Stacy asked with morbid curiosity.

"Oh, the usual. Most of Highland thought I was infectious. 'If you ask her what's wrong with her you'll catch it.' A lot of people thought I was deaf too. One crazy old coot thought I had been marked by the devil, but thankfully his one attempt to get a mob to burn me fell flat."

"He tried to . . . kill you?" Tiffany asked incredulously.

Quinn nodded. "He tried to, but he only got two people to join his mob and they were idiots. Mom got a restraining order on them, but by that time he had decided to obsess about the idiots instead. That's when I started dying my hair. When my 'symptoms' went away everyone thought I was 'cured' and left me alone."

"And you decided to stop doing it here? Wow; I could never be that brave." Stacy declared.

Quinn shrugged and shot the three Js a quick glare. "Other than some idiots I could name most people seem okay with it. It wasn't like some people hadn't already guessed from the gloves, hat, sunscreen and all."

"Sandi doesn't like it." Tiffany pointed out.

"Sandi doesn't like that people are paying more attention to me than her right now," Quinn countered. "When people get used to it things will go back to normal and Sandi won't have anything to be mad at anymore."

Stacy face showed that she wasn't so sure. "I hope you're right." She said.

* * *

Jodie approached the Morgendorffer home with a slight trepidation. It wasn't the upcoming sign language lesson that was worrying her, but the overnight stay that was to follow. It had been years since Jodie had been asked to sleepover somewhere and even longer since she subjected any friends to staying over with her parents. Learning _that _lesson had cost her a few friendships during middle school.

Putting bad memories aside, Jodie noticed that Kevin's Jeep was in the Morgendorffer driveway. That didn't surprise her; Daria had taken a slow and methodical approach to her revised science project. According to Daria, Kevin had _almost_ gotten the ideas of the project down. Brittany Taylor exiting the home wasn't a surprise either; Jodie had heard grumblings about Kevin and unfaithfulness coming from the cheerleader. What surprised Jodie was that Brittany was _smiling_. Jodie was almost to the door when Brittany noticed her.

"Hey, Jodie," Brittany began. "Are you here to visit Daria?"

Jodie nodded, "I'm here to get some tutoring. Were you checking up on Kevin?"

Brittany smiled brightly. "I was worried about Kevin being alone with Daria. Daria straightened it out for me. I was worrying over nothing, she was really nice."

Jodie kept her expression flat with effort. The story would be easier, and more coherent, out of Daria. "I'm glad she was able to help. Have a good weekend."

Brittany thanked her and left. Jodie knocked on the door and heard Daria's father yell at her to come in. Shrugging, Jodie let herself in. She had barely closed the door when a loud shout startled her into turning sharply.

Sitting on the couch, both Jake Morgendorffer and Kevin Thompson cheered at something on the family television. A quick glance told Jodie the two were watching a football game. Jodie felt her eyebrows rise when she noticed that the camera work indicated that it was an _old_ game.

It took a moment for Mr. Morgendorffer realized that he had just asked someone to come in. It took a moment longer for him to check to see who had come in. When he finally noticed Jodie he gave the young woman a welcoming grin.

"Hey kiddo," Mr. Morgendorffer said, "Daria's out in the garage. Go through that door over . . . What! Is that ref blind? That was a foul!"

Jodie could only feel a kind of odd bemusement as she went through the barely indicated door. The Morgendorffer garage was obviously set aside for storage, but the short time the family had spent in town meant it was mostly empty. Daria was standing next to a folding table looking down at a simple maze on it; her face a mix of thought and bemusement. Jodie closed the door and Daria looked up. When their eyes meet Daria smiled and then nodded in greetings.

"Hello, Daria. Err, I thought you were making Kevin work with you on the project?" Jodie half asked.

Daria nodded and switched a notepad she had been writing on for the whiteboard.

"He is. We worked out a deal, one hour hard work with me, one hour of football with Dad. He worked really hard last session, so I'm letting him watch a whole game as a reward."

Jodie smiled. "You're doing positive reinforcement right?" At Daria's nod Jodie continued. "Are you sure you're experimenting on _mice_?"

Daria smiled sheepishly. "Well, maybe not _just_ the mice," Daria wrote. "But I doubt Kevin realizes. Hopefully I've worded the presentation well enough that Ms. Barch will get it without Kevin catching on."

Jodie nodded. "And since it shows how controllable men are Ms. Barch will love it. You do know she's probably going to crow that all over the school when she realizes right?"

"I'm going to ask her not to before class," Daria sighed. "It's a risk, but it was the only way I could really involve Kevin without migraines."

"Speaking of migraines; what was Brittany here for?"

Daria pinched her nose and sighed. "She thought I was trying to steal Kevin from her," Daria wrote. "Took almost twenty minutes to convince her that Kevin wasn't on my potential dates list. Then I needed twenty more minutes to convince her that my sister didn't want him either."

"She doesn't?"

Daria laughed silently. "Not anymore she doesn't. Quinn's been trying to get his attention all week. Two days ago she wore the most scandalous outfit she can get away with in front of Mom and couldn't get him to acknowledge her. Yesterday she tried the slinkiest outfit in her closet. Quinn would be grounded for months if Mom knew she owned it and when _that_ failed Quinn gave up."

Jodie ruefully shook her head. "When Kevin's thinking about football there isn't room for anything else in his head. Even Brittany has a hard time getting his attention when he's like that."

Daria's eyes got so wide it was almost comical. "He ignores Brittany? Are you sure he's not . . . ." Daria let the text trailed off.

Jodie laughed. "Very sure. When Kevin's not thinking about football he's thinking about girls. When they aren't fighting Kevin and Brittany go at it like rabbits. And when they are fighting it's usually because Kevin was doing it with someone who _isn't_ Brittany."

Daria couldn't help the expression on her face. "So he's not gay. But still, cheating on _Brittany_? With a figure like that, I . . . ."

Jodie titled her head sideways as Daria abruptly stopped writing and erased the second sentence with a hasty finger.

"Sorry; hand got in front of my brain." Daria wrote. "I need one more short session with Kevin to finish up for the day and then I'll be ready to start your lessons."

Daria quickly stood and headed for the door to the house.

"Wait one second, Daria." Jodie interrupted. "I have a quick question."

As Daria stopped and looked back, Jodie schooled her face into artful innocence.

"Do _you_ have an outfit you don't want your mother to know about?" Jodie asked.

Daria's sudden blush and 'no comment' card left Jodie laughing until Daria returned to the garage with Kevin in tow.

With permission, Jodie had become a participant for the last bit of Daria's project session. It made sense to Jodie that Kevin would be the team presenter, what surprised Jodie was how well Kevin presented. Sure, Kevin needed cues from Daria to remember what to say, but he _remembered_ the cues themselves, and what to say when he saw one! Jodie wasn't sure Ms. Barch would understand the level of work that Daria and Kevin had put into their presentation, but Jodie would have given them an 'A'.

Finally dismissing the football star, Daria shooed him out. Jodie helped Daria put the project away, and they retired to Daria's bedroom for sign language lessons.

Over the next hour, Jodie only learned to make a few signs, but learned how to recognize a lot more.

"It's more important that you learn to recognize a few important phrases first." Daria had written as the lesson began. "Once you have those memorized I'll start teaching you how to really sign."

It was just after the first hour of lesson when Helen Morgendorffer stuck her head past the open door. "Quinn says dinner is in fifteen minutes."

"Quinn cooks?" Jodie asked after Mrs. Morgendorffer left.

"She does," Daria wrote, "we both do. Tonight, however, Dad is cooking and Quinn is supervising."

"That sounds like a story." Jodie prompted.

Daria shrugged. "Dad is the best cook in the house. The only thing Mom does is frozen lasagna and Quinn and I just don't have that much practice yet. The problem is that Granddad had Dad sent to a military school when he was young. PLEASE don't ask him about it. He'll rant for hours if you do."

Daria wiped the board before continuing. "The cooks were probably using inferior or out-of-date ingredients, because the way Dad tells it every meal was 50% chili powder and anyone who ate too much of it got sick. Now Dad cooks pretty much the same way. Unless you are standing over his shoulder the entire time he won't think twice of adding 'bite' to anything he cooks."

"Hot sauce?" Jodie hazarded.

"At the least," Daria wrote. "A few months ago I caught him adding half a bottle of Tabasco sauce to cold cereal, then adding a tablespoon of curry powder after that turned out to be too 'bland' for him."

Jodie winced.


	6. Chapter 4

Thankfully it appeared Quinn had been on the ball; while the taco dinner was a little spicy for Jodie's taste, it didn't make her grab for a glass of milk either.

Jodie kept quite during the start of the meal while watching in the Morgendorffer family dynamic. Jodie hadn't had a lot of contact with the Morgendorffer adults, but her initial impressions of them did not change much over the course of the meal.

Mr. Morgendorffer really did try to be there for his children, but he didn't seem to quite get them. And while he came off as awkward, he _was_ trying. He watched Daria very closely, and apparently had few problems following the sign language parts of her conversation. On the other hand, even with just one lesson under her belt Jodie could tell he was not a very good signer himself.

Mrs. Morgendorffer was a lot harder to read. It hadn't helped that she had spent half the meal away from the table talking into a cell phone. The other Morgendorffers seemed to take this in stride, so it must have been a common thing.

It was when Mrs. Morgendorffer returned to the table that the interrogation, as Jodie would later think of it, began. Jodie wasn't sure quite how long it took, but by the time the dishes had been cleared Jodie had repeated the basic details of her life history to the Morgendorffer matron.

"I'm sorry about that," Daria wrote after the dishes had been cleaned and the three teens had retreated to Daria's room. "Mom doesn't know how to turn the lawyer off sometimes."

"I feel all wrung out." Jodie admitted.

"I didn't have a lot of friends in Highland." Daria explained on a notepad. "And some of them had unfair reputations. Mom wants me to be more social, but only the right kind of social."

"So am I the right kind of social?" Jodie asked, genuinely curious.

Quinn laughed and answered while Daria was still writing. "You're on the student council, you volunteer, and you're popular. That's exactly the kind of friend Mom wants Daria to have."

Daria scowled at her sister, but did not argue Quinn's points.

Jodie's laugh had no humor in it. "Sounds a lot like my Mom actually. Am I going to get that interrogation every time I come over?"

Quinn looked at Daria, who sighed and gestured at her.

"No," Quinn answered, "Mom's okayed you now, it shouldn't happen again. You made a good impression, so unless you do something really outrageous Mom won't change it."

"How outrageous?"

"Daria at her worst outrageous." Quinn answered levelly. Less than a second later a pillow collided with the side of her head. Quinn returned the pillow at high speed and quickly dodged the next, which hit Jodie instead. Jodie would like to believe that she had won the ensuing battle, but the lack of impartial judges deadlocked the vote at one-all.

* * *

"I've been meaning to ask," Jodie said about halfway through the clean-up session that followed, "is that a real sword hanging on your wall?"

Daria paused in straightening a picture frame and wrote out a reply. "Yes and no. It's a cheap katana Dad got me after it was obvious I was going to stick to Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. It has an edge, but it's so flimsy you'd be more dangerous with a 2x4."

"I thought it was pretty cute the way Dad gave it to you." Quinn said before continuing in a stage whisper to Jodie, "he gave her the 'don't run with scissors' speech."

Daria signed at Quinn who sighed.

"I'm going, I'm going. You don't need to be rude."

As Quinn went out the door, Daria held up a card to Jodie that said 'sister'.

Jodie laughed. "Tell me about it. Mine's younger than Quinn is, but she's starting to get into her hormones. I hope she gets over it fast."

"Thankfully, other than some territorial scuffling, Quinn and I have been mostly peaceful. I've been told that Quinn got several very bad sunburns trying to follow me around before I knew how dangerous that could be for her and I remember how smug Quinn could be when discovered I couldn't yell for Mom and Dad. But by the time I was 10 Quinn and I had a sort of peace treaty going."

Jodie sighed and a morose look came over her face. "My parents want Rachel and me to be the best at everything. Only, they really want us to be the best at certain things. So trying to make our parents happy Rachel does what they want her to . . . ."

"And everything she does puts her in your shadow." Daria concluded.

"Someone's going to blow-up soon." Jodie agreed. "I'm just not sure who yet."

"If it happens to be you, make sure you give me some warning first, I'll need to establish an alibi." Daria wrote.

Jodie smiled. "No promises, but I will see what I can do."

Shortly afterward the two women prepared for bed. Jodie borrowed the bathroom to switch into the recently acquired pajama pants and t-shirt she had selected for sleepwear. She rejoined the oldest Morgendorffer child in her room. Daria had already switched to a well-worn T-shirt and a pair of pajama-boxers. Jodie once again found herself realizing how completely Daria's normal clothing disguised her true appearance.

Daria closed the door and hit the light switch. Jodie felt both her eyebrows hit her hairline. The second Daria had hit the light switch another tiny light had come on in one corner of the room. The light was just bright enough to read by, if you were close enough to it and willing to strain your eyes a little. It was more than enough to see Daria's sudden and intense blush.

Still blushing, Daria reached over and wrote something on a piece of paper.

"It's an old fear, from when I was younger." The page said. "The white board, the cards, sign language, they all have one thing in common . . . they all need light to be seen. None of those work in the dark. In the dark, no one can hear me. When the lights go out I really am mute."


	7. Chapter 5

"Well, as much as I hate to admit it." Ms. Barch began. "You did a very nice job presenting, Kevin. Unlike some people." Ms. Barch glared at an unrepentant red-head. "And excellent work on your end of the project, Daria." Ms. Barch's facial expression went through a few contortions before she continued. "I'm going to give you both an A."

Kevin's exuberant cheer got him banished to the office.

"Good work on your project." Jane congratulated Daria as they sat waiting for gym to begin. "It looked like Ms. Barch was having her teeth pulled. I feel a little sorry for Upchuck though. Sure he deserved some of what he has coming to him, whatever it is, but I really didn't like the look in Ms. Barch's eye."

"I'm not sure we deserved an A." Daria wrote. "But I'm not going to turn it down."

Coach Morris finally emerged from her office with an unpleasant smirk on her face. "Alright, listen up people! Originally both the boys and girls wear going to be doing a little b-ball today; but thanks to a generous volunteer those plans have changed. Boy's, you're still doing basketball, the ladies however are going to get a lesson in self-defense today."

A figure waddled out of Coach Morris' office wearing an inflatable protection suit. Familiar with the suits herself, Daria thought this one looked a little under inflated. The figure was wearing an enclosing safety helmet that hid most of his features.

"And ladies," Coach Morris continued as the figure got into position on a mat, "make sure your thank Mr. _Ruttheimer_ for generously _volunteering _to be our _practice dummy_ today."

The mutterings from several of the girls sitting around Daria were both dark and vindictive. Daria found herself sincerely hoping that the hapless redhead was wearing a cup.

The next half-hour was unexpectedly brutal. Coach Morris started off with the cheerleaders, who seemed to bear a massive grudge against the boy. They quickly got into a game of one-upmanship were each girl try to do more damage to Charles before the Ms. Morris backed them off. Daria noticed very quickly that Charles was rolling with the hits and that his cries of pain were just a little too exaggerated to be real.

Finally, it was Daria's turn. Daria's written protests that she already had self-defense training fell on deaf ears. If anything Coach Morris seemed egger to have Daria show the 'class' how it was done. Daria sighed to herself and approached the mat. Many eyes widened when the mute girl slid into a martial arts stance.

Daria signed "apologies" to the boy and was faintly surprised to seem him nod and take a beginner's stance in an art Daria didn't immediately recognize. For the next five minutes Daria ran through an impromptu beginner's lessons in marital arts. Daria quickly discovered that she wouldn't be able to make the act completely harmless without blowing Charles' cover, but she managed to make a good show without breaking anything.

After being called off, Daria signed "see me after school" to Charles, who agreed with a nod.

* * *

"How much sign language do you know?" Daria asked with her hands when Charles approached her locker after then end of classes.

Charles smiled. "I'm not bad, as long as you go slowly."

"And why do you know sign language?"

Charles shrugged, "My favorite uncle is deaf. I thought it was rude not to be able to thank him for gifts personally."

"Fair enough."

"I want to thank you by the way," Charles mentioned. "You could have totally creamed me back there."

Daria shrugged herself. "I do not have anything personal against you really. Not enough to do more toss you around a couple of times. I am assuming it was Brittany's report on your science project that got you volunteered?"

Charles sighed. "Oh yes. That girl holds a grudge like nobody's business. That whole Upchuck thing got started when I accidentally got sick on her at her sixth birthday party."

"Then all the things she said?" Daria opened.

Charles made a so-so gesture. "It was a little mix of truth and exaggeration. Brittany's a one person game of Telephone. Every time she runs something through her head the story changes just a little."

"How much was true?" Daria asked.

Charles grimaced a little. "How honest do you want me to be?"

"Brutally. Start with the 'vintage porn' collection."

Charles winced. "I do _own_ a vintage porn collection. It's my nest egg."

At Daria's puzzled expression Charles continued.

"Vintage porn is highly collectable and some of it is worth a lot of money." Charles explained. "If I liquidated the entire collection I could pay my way through the Ivy League college of my choice."

Daria whistled in surprise.

"Exactly," Charles continued. "Do you honestly believe I would let Brittany within ten feet of that much money? I don't know where she got the line about organizing it. Probably something my father told her."

"The maid outfit?"

"Totally my father." Charles said. "He_ is _the way I _act_. Unfortunately, we bear a pretty strong resemblance."

"I am assuming trying to make her clean was your father too?"

Charles shrugged. "Actually I'm pretty sure Dad offered her a 'maid' outfit and she _assumed_ he wanted her to clean."

"Oh, it was _that_ kind of maid outfit." Daria signed.

Charles nodded. "She screamed she 'wasn't a servant' and ran off. It was a really hot outfit though." Charles said with a lecherous smile.

Daria paused a moment before continuing. "And hence today's volunteer session."

"I knew something was going to happen." Charles said. "Ms. Barch sees herself as an avenger for all women against the vileness of males. When she can't find a target, she creates one. That's why she paired me up with Brittany in the first place. She used the volunteer in gym thing before though. I slid on an extra sweatshirt and a cup before going to gym today. I'll have bruises on my bruises tomorrow, but no permanent harm."

"I noticed you rolling with the hits." Daria signed. "What style do you practice?"

"A little kempo." Charles replied. "Nothing special."

"Ever consider dropping the act?"

Charles shook his head. "And lose the one thing that makes life tolerable? Preemptively annoying people is about the only thing I have going. Besides, I tried to stop last year. Barch got so damn paranoid I _paid_ a girl to let me cop a feel so Barch could catch me and chill out."

At Daria's expression Charles explained. "I'm not on a team, my Dad doesn't contribute any real money, and my academic record means beans at Lawndale. Li won't lift a finger to stop Barch as long as Li's teams and money aren't threatened."

"Ouch."

Charles nodded. "And hence the collection. If Dad doesn't pay for an out-of-state college I will. All I have to do is survive until graduation."

"That is good plan. I hope to succeed in it myself." Daria signed.

Charles nodded. "And speaking of plans . . . do you have any for this Friday night?"

Both of Daria's eyebrows hit her hairline. "Are you asking me out?"

"Of course my dear." Charles replied, dropping to one knee. "You are one of the loveliest girls in school; and one of the few to see though my mask. How could I not?"

"A little too thick, Charles." Daria warned with her hands.

Charles quickly returned to his feet. "Sorry, the drama got the best of me. So . . . ."

Daria pondered the question a long time before answering. "If Upchuck had asked the answer would not have been just 'no'; it would have been 'hell no'."

"But Charles?" The redhead asked.

"Under most circumstances," Daria began, "Charles does not tick off as many boxes in the 'undatable' column as Upchuck does."

"I'm hearing a 'but' there."

"_But_," Daria stressed with her hands, "I am sorry to say I am not dating at this time. If that ever changes, I will keep you in mind."

Charles sighed. "That's a better deal than most people have offered me lately. Thank you for your consideration."

Daria made a production of checking around. "You might want to consider trying 'Charles' on Jane." Daria signed using small gestures. "She has been complaining about her dateless state lately."

Charles laughed. "I'm not sure I want to ask out the one girl in the school I can't outrun. Thank you for suggesting it though."

"You are welcome."


	8. Chapter 6

It was Thursday evening and Quinn Morgendorffer was on the phone. "Sure Mrs. Gupty, I'd be happy to watch your children Saturday night. Yes, for the usual Saturday rates. See you then."

Quinn hung up the phone and sighed. "About the only good thing about being free Saturday nights is what I can charge for babysitting." Quinn muttered to herself.

Daria knocked on Quinn's door and entered. "You could still be dating you know," Daria signed, "I doubt all the boys in school are as . . . interesting as the 3 J's."

Quinn smiled. "I know, but a few weeks off will hammer in the idea that there are some things I won't accept. It will also make me seem more alluring when I become available again."

"My sister, the dating guru. Daria signed. "But I do not need to speak to the dating guru; I need to talk to the fashion guru instead."

Quinn looked over at Daria in mild surprise. "Why? You aren't that bad at fashion when you want to be."

"I am trying to set a very specific impression." Daria replied. "Jodie's parents want to meet the girl that their daughter is taking sign language lessons with."

Quinn smiled. "And you want good impression so her parents will let Jodie keep . . . hanging out with you."

The look Daria shot her sister was not very pleasant. "I could tell Stacey _and_ Sandi about the Mud Incident."

Quinn shrugged her shoulders. "So? I tell people about the thing with the mud all the time."

"No, you tell people a story involving mud." Daria counted. "I am talking about the full, unedited, Mud Incident."

"_You wouldn't_!" If looks could kill, the look Quinn shot her sister would have not only killed her; it would have cooked her to a rich golden brown and severed her on a plate with a side of fava beans.

"Only if I had to," Daria replied. "Just do not do anything that makes me have to."

"Fine; I'll stop teasing." Quinn grumbled. "What look are you shooting for?"

"Jodie's father is a self-made business man, her mother is an activist. Both expect serious overachievement in their children. Jodie has said they have 'standards' about the people she hangs out with, but Jodie admitted that what they expect varies by context. What do you suggest?"

"Hmm, depends if you want to go more 'daughter's tutor' or 'daughter's friend'." Quinn answered seriously. "Either way, I'd go with something in business casual. For the first lean more business; the later should be just a bit more on the casual side. Let me check out your closet and I'll see what I can put together."

"Thank you." Daria signed. "I owe you one."

"Damn right you do."

* * *

"Well damn, Daria. And you say Mom would blow a gasket over _my_ little black dress?"

* * *

An exhausted Daria Morgendorffer dragged herself into her home late Saturday evening. Glancing over at the couch, Daria plopped down next to an equally bedraggled looking Quinn.

"So how did your evening go?" Daria signed.

"Remember me telling you about those little . . . drones the Gupty's were raising?"

Daria made a so-so gesture with one hand as she rested the other arm across her eyes.

"Well take every 1950's platitude about being a 'good kid'. Then throw a bunch more from 1980's cartoons. Make that all they know and you have the Gupty twins."

Daria puckered her lips in a silent whistle.

Quinn nodded, not caring that her sister couldn't see it. "I had hoped it was just something they did on the weekdays and they'd be normal kids on the weekend. God, if anything they were worse. They didn't need a babysitter; they needed someone tall enough to reach the high shelves."

Daria nodded her understanding.

"I hope they're being home schooled." Quinn continued. "I _really_ hope they are being home schooled. Normal kids are going to have those two for lunch."

Daria reluctantly took her hand from her eyes so she could sign. "There is only so much you can do for them. Try being their normal 'big sister' next time and see if that helps."

Quinn sighed. "I swear if they didn't pay me a hundred and fifty percent my standard rates for two kids it wouldn't be worth it. So how did your meeting with Jodie's parents go?"

"If meeting Mom was half as bad for Jodie as her parents were for me I'm going to owe her some major groveling time."

Quinn winced, "it went that well?"

"I imagine a job interview would be less extensive. About the only thing they didn't ask me about was my sex life."

"Wow, so negligent to leave that out." Quinn said sarcastically.

"They did ask about my dating habits," Daria signed, "they just were not as explicit as I was half-expecting them to be by that time."

"So, were they positive or negative?"

Daria's face took on a look halfway between puzzlement and worry. "I'm not sure. Except for a couple times I couldn't quite tell what they were thinking. Mr. Landon was more obvious, but do not play cards with Mrs. Landon unless you plan on losing."

"Got it. Did they really ask that many questions?" Quinn asked curiously.

Daria nodded seriously. "Oh yes: Who am I? Where did I come from? What was it like? What are my plans? How am I doing in school? Am I part of any activities? Was I dating anybody? Why wasn't I dating anybody? How long have you been signing? What are you like? What are Mom and Dad like? What do they do? Etc, etc, etc."

Quinn whistled. "Mom only asked about half that. Why did they ask you about your dating habits?"

"Not a clue. I was going to ask Jodie about it Monday. From some of the questions they asked I'm not sure if they realized I was a mute high school student instead of a college tutor."

"Err, but wouldn't have Jodie told them about you?" Quinn blinked. "I mean that's a pretty big part about you."

"True, but that would require them to listen better than our parents tend to."

"Point."

* * *

"Did I pass?" Daria wrote to Jodie Monday morning.

"Sort of," Jodie said. "I might have [i]_overheard[/i]_ my parents talking about you before I went to bed. They think I'm being a pity friend more than anything else, but you're 'useful' as a tutor so they're not going to say anything to me or you."

Daria's expression turned a little sour. "Did they say anything about their reasoning?"

Jodie shrugged. "Not particularly, but I inferred that they didn't think you were 'active' enough to be someone that I would form a friendship with. We don't have any activities in common and we don't move in the same social circles."

Daria thought for a moment before responding. "I guess it's better than nothing. Still I wish . . ."

Daria trailed off as Quinn Morgendorffer stomped past the talking teens and pushed her way into the adjacent girl's bathroom. The two sophomores were still eyeing the swinging door when Stacy passed between them and into the bathroom.

Daria tossed Jodie a quick look and then proceeded into the bathroom with Jodie on her heels.

Inside, Quinn paced back and forth while muttering to herself. "Can't believe that vain, stuck up, manipulative bitch…..Where does she get off . . . she wouldn't last 5 minutes in Highland . . . imagine sicking those two on her . . . that's what she deserves . . . ."

Jodie felt her eyebrows rise as she listened to Quinn curse. Normally the younger girl's language was mostly free of accent, with the occasional odd word or stress being the only sign that she hadn't been raised in Lawndale. This monologue, however, was very different. It even used what Jodie thought was Spanish at a few points.

Daria let her sister pace and curse for about a minute before putting her hand to her mouth and making a sharp whistle. Quinn turned sharply at the noise and watched as her sister signed something to her.

"I don't give a good goddamn if my freaking Texan is showing! Can't you see I'm ****ing pissed!"

Daria signed something else to Quinn, who made a visible struggle to calm herself. After a minute Quinn sighed and put a hand to her head.

"Goddamn it," Quinn said, her accent returning to 'normal', "lost it again. I swear I'm going to get as bad as Daddy someday. Sorry Stacy, I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's ok," Stacy said, waving the matter off, "Sandi was being rude."

Before either of the older girls could ask, Quinn started explaining. "Have either of you heard of a girl named Brook in our grade? She's sort of a member of the fashion club."

"Sandi won't make her a full member," Stacy commented. "Sandi just dangles the idea in front of Brook so she can boss Brook around."

"That sounds familiar," Daria wrote on her whiteboard.

Quinn suddenly looked thoughtful. "It does doesn't it? Anyway, Brook showed up today with a few changes. Turns out she was out last week getting a nose job."

"How?" Jodie asked. "Isn't she a little young for cosmetic surgery?"

"The magic words are 'parental permission'," Quinn said, "The point isn't Brook's new nose, but what Sandi said to me afterward. Sandi told me I should find out who Brook's surgeon was so I could 'get my fangs filled down'. More importantly, she said it in front of one of the J-idiots. I just finished squashing that damn rumor!"

"The rumor you're a vampire?" Jodie asked. "The only people who took that one seriously were the . . . slowest of the football players. It seemed pretty harmless to me."

Quinn sighed and started to pace again. "It isn't the rumor itself that's the problem. It's what it could change into if it goes through enough people."

Daria signed something at Quinn.

"Well what's a phrase you can use to describe a female vampire?" Quinn replied. "The first one that I can think of is 'she sucks blood' right? What will people think when somebody leaves the last word off or changes it?"

The three listening girls winced and Stacy let out a, "Eww."

Quinn nodded hard. "Exactly. I spent almost two dateless weeks squashing that rumor; and now thanks to Sandi I have to do it again! I swear, Daria it almost makes me want to . . ."

Quinn stopped abruptly when Daria held a card in front of her sister's face.

"No need for threats." Quinn sighed and shoved the arm holding the card back. Both of the Lawndale natives noticed the card only said 'mud' as Daria put it away.

"How did the vampire rumors start in the first place?" Jodie asked.

"It was all Joey's fault," Quinn explained. "He's been watching too much Buffy. When he saw my eyes and hair he asked if I had become a vampire. He talked Jamie and Jeffy around and they told it to Kevin, who spread it to all the football players. Now I'm going to have to track down Joey and explain it all over again. I swear that Sandi has it out for me."

"She does," Stacy said. "Sandi has it out for everyone more popular than her. And students all over school have been talking about you ever since you changed your hair."

"Not one word, Daria." Quinn before Daria even had a chance to raise her hands.

Daria, Jodie noticed, had the worst 'artful innocence' expression she had ever seen.


	9. Chapter 7

For those that got the alert, the new side story has been moved to between chapters 2 and 3. My apologies for those that got the alert and then though something odd had happened.

* * *

Two days later, Jodie sat across the Morgendorffer table from her friend. Instead of the serious expression she tended to wear when teaching, Daria was listless and dragging.

"Are you ok?" Jodie asked.

Much to Jodie's surprise, instead of signing or writing on her whiteboard, Daria unclipped the card pouch from her skirt and slowly fingered through the cards before pulling out a card with "sick" typed on it.

Jodie blinked. "You should have had Quinn call me and cancel. You shouldn't be pushing yourself on my account. Wait; if you're sick, why were you in school today?"

"Wasn't that bad this morning," Daria wrote. "Got bad after lunch, but Dad's at a conference and Mom is . . . Mom, so I couldn't leave early. They're still out and Quinn's over at Stacy's trying to calm her down."

"What's wrong with . . . No, no," Jodie interrupted herself, "I'm canceling today's lesson and you're going to bed. Then, if you feel up to it, you can tell me what's wrong with Stacy."

Jodie helped a grumbling Daria up to her room. Once she had gotten Daria inside her bedroom, Jodie eyed what Daria was wearing. "Can you change for bed yourself or do you need help?" Jodie asked.

Daria shot Jodie a hard look and wrote on her whiteboard. "I can change myself, thank you. If you're going to be insistent, you can get a glass of water and the medicine I laid out in the bathroom."

"You haven't taken anything yet?" Jodie asked, mildly incredulous as Daria slowly removed and hung her coat. "Why not?"

Daria did not answer, but instead shot Jodie a direct look and began to slowly pull her orange t-shirt up.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," Jodie said laughingly as she went to get the medicine as directed. It took Jodie less than a minute to find it, so she went to the kitchen to get water instead of using the cup Daria had set up in the bathroom. When Jodie felt she had given the sick girl enough time to change, she knocked and entered the bedroom.

Thankfully, she must have taken long enough, because Daria was sitting in bed writing on a notepad. Jodie handed her the medicine, which she quickly took. When Daria was finished draining the glass of water, she noticed that Jodie had raised her eyebrows and seemed to be staring at her chest.

Daria raised her own eyebrows as she matched Jodie's expression. After a few seconds, Daria began to redden, and finally broke down and looked down at her chest. Finding nothing out of place, she raised a hand and signed, "What?" to Jodie.

"I didn't take you as a fan of Tweety," Jodie said, gesturing at Daria's t-shirt, which had a picture of the bright yellow cartoon bird on it.

Blush still going strong, Daria set aside her story pad, picked up the speaking pad beside her, and added a few lines before handing it to Jodie.

"I didn't take the medicine earlier because it makes me drowsy. I didn't want to fall asleep in the middle of your visit."

Further down the pad was Daria's new text, "Dad got it for me several years ago without looking at the tags. It was big enough to be a dress on me when he got it. It's been one of my regular sleep-shirts for years."

Jodie laughed. "Ah yes, the dreaded parental clothes shopping. I have never been as grateful as the day my mother let me start picking out my own clothes."

Daria laughed. "Quinn would tell you the exact same thing," she wrote. "Only the way she told Mom she would get her own clothing got her grounded for two weeks."

"And when did you start getting your own clothing?" Jodie asked.

Daria shrugged, "For as long as I remember. Mom took Quinn shopping, but Dad took me. I started picking my clothing early out of self defense. Bad fashion sense." Daria added when she saw Jodie's expression. "Dad would take me, but I'd pick out the things I wanted. Dad isn't colorblind, but if you had ever seen some of the things he wanted me to pair together you'd think he was."

"Then why is Quinn involved in fashion if you've been doing it longer than she has?" Jodie asked, noticing that Daria's hands were beginning to slow.

"I dress to be practical, comfortable, and to blend in, in that order," Daria wrote. "Quinn dresses to deemphasize her condition while still calling attention to herself as a person. Quinn's the one with the shopaholic bug; I only browse in bookstores."

"Speaking of Quinn," Jodie began, "You said she was with Stacy?"

Daria nodded and slowly began to write. "According to Quinn, this plastic surgery thing is hitting the 'popular' kids hard. Most of them have been half-seriously considering getting work done themselves."

Jodie swallowed a giggle. "I did hear Kevin muttering about getting his nose 'fixed' yesterday. I hadn't realized it had become an epidemic."

Daria shrugged and yawned, then slumped a bit further into bed. "That's the truth according to Quinn. Some people that aren't talking about receiving plastic surgery, but are 'suggesting' things other people can fix."

"Sandi," Jodie stated.

"Right. Well, for some people her suggestion has been 'don't bother' and not because they don't need it."

"Wait; let me guess," Jodie speculated, "Sandi's been harping to Stacy all week."

Daria gave Jodie a sleepily inquiring look. "We went to the same middle school," Jodie explained. "I remember a crying Stacy running into me my last year there. Rumor had it that Sandi had been bullying her."

"Quinn's telling Stacy she doesn't need any surgery and that she should come to school tomorrow."

Jodie nodded. "Well, good for her. I hope she succeeds; Stacy could really use some more friendly support. Listen, Daria, I think I better get going. Can I borrow . . . ?"

Jodie trailed off; in the middle of her sentence, Daria had finished falling asleep. Smiling, Jodie eased Daria's glasses off her face and set them on her desk next to Daria's whiteboard. Leaving a short note for the unconscious Morgendorffer, Jodie borrowed Daria's house keys and locked the front door behind her as she left.

* * *

It was during the next day of classes that Quinn managed to catch up to Jodie.

"Jodie, do you know Daria's locker combination?" Quinn asked. "She asked me to pick up her school books for her, but don't remember what she told me her combination was."

Jodie shook her head. "Afraid not. Have you tried asking Jane?"

Quinn sighed. "Her best guess didn't work."

"How is Daria doing?"

"Well enough," Quinn replied. "She's still tired, but her fever's was almost all gone this morning."

"Good," Jodie replied. "Could you do me a favor? I borrowed Daria's keys last knight to lock the front door." While Jodie dug the keys out of her bag, a sly look crossed over Quinn's face.

"Sure, I'd be happy to return them." The albino girl said. "But wouldn't you rather do it? Daria would be happy to see you."

"I wouldn't want to disturb her."

Quinn waved Jodie's concern off. "Oh please; you've spent more time in Daria's new room than I have. I can't image a time she would mind seeing you."

Jodie laughed, "I don't think she'd be happy if I wandered in while she was changing."

Remembering Jodie's first visit to her home, Quinn snorted but said nothing.

* * *

Daria's bed was quite cluttered with things when Jodie arrived at the Morgendorffer home. In addition to a tray which must have once held dinner, several notepads and books lied scattered across the bed sheet.

Daria looked up from her book as Jodie entered the room. After she snapped the book shut, Daria signed "hello" to her fellow student.

"Hello Daria. How are you doing?" Jodie asked.

Daria made a so-so gesture with one hand. "Thanks to the medicine I'm either tired or disconnected." Gesturing at the mess on her bed with one hand, Daria continued to write out, "And I have the attention span of a three year old on pixie-sticks. I feel like a damn bobble-head."

Jodie giggled quietly, when Daria shot her a questioning look Jodie explained. "Sorry that made an image of our classmates as bobble heads. The funny thing is I think Kevin would look good that way."

Daria laughed, but suddenly turned intensely pink and hid her face with her hands and her shoulders shook rapidly. Worried that her friend had suddenly gotten worse, Jodie quickly rose to get help, but Daria put a finger in a 'wait' gesture. A few second later Daria's face returned to normal.

"Sorry," Daria wrote "A picture of Brittany as not _quite_ a bobble head popped into my head and free association got away from me."

Jodie mouthed the first part of the sentence while trying to come to the same image Daria had. When the most likely suspect popped into her head Jodie simply fell out of her chair as she laughed so hard she was unable to make any noise. Jodie's collapse caused Daria to start laughing again herself. It would be several minutes before either girl could look at the other -without starting to laugh again.

"You know, Jodie," Upchuck said conversationally the next day, "just because you don't listen to rumors doesn't mean you have to feed them."

Jodie sighed, "I'm not really in the mood, Charles. What are you talking about?"

"And that is exactly the point." Charles replied as they walked down the hallway on their way to the next class.

"Charles." Jodie said warningly.

Sensing that the ice he was on was a lot thinner than he had first thought, Charles decided to get the conversation over with as quickly as he could. "It's just people have noticed how . . . snappish you are today and some of the students are claiming it doesn't have anything to do with PMS."

Jodie's glare intensified, "Get. To. The. Point."

Upchuck suddenly realized that he was sweating. "I heard some students saying that you're missing your girlfriend." He said in a rush.

Jodie's stopped dead in the hallway and closed her eyes. Hoping she was counting to ten, Charles also stopped. Almost a minute later, a visibly calmer Jodie Landon opened her eyes.

"While that was to the point," Jodie admitted mildly. "But I would like to have a little more detail."

"I exaggerated a little." Charles explained. "It's just some students noticed how grumpy you are today and noticed Daria wasn't here. They combined it with an older rumor and created the new one. The major rumors right now are all about cosmetic surgery, so not that many people are spreading it."

"And just who did you hear this from?"

"Some junior girls." Charles said. "I overheard them talking about it last period. Apparently the idea that you and Daria are dating is old news. They did compliment you on your taste however."

"Why do juniors even know who we are?" Jodie asked.

"You're on the student council and you helped prevent Mrs. Li from cutting all the 'frivolous' clubs last year."

"I didn't do it alone." Jodie pointed out.

Charles shrugged. "But you made the proposal that got adopted and a lot of the clubs that were on the chopping block are very grateful. Daria won her kudos getting Kevin an A in Ms. Barch's class. Without it he wouldn't have qualified for the match against Oakdale."

Jodie pinched her nose. "You know what? I don't care. If they're just rehashing old news then they'll forget it as soon as someone else makes waves. But, just for the record Charles, I'm not dating Daria." And with that Jodie resumed her trek to her next period.

"But you didn't say you never would." Charles pointed out under his breath.


End file.
